Reducing Life's Noise

Beta scratchpad of my very first To-Don't List!

How many To-Do lists do you have?  I confess that I currently have three:

• Work
• Personal
• A dumping repository of things I want to remember to do but are lower priority, such as the title of a book that piqued my interest during a weekend browsing session at the local bookstore (one of the few that still exist)

Despite the satisfaction of checking something off one of my lists, the items continue to grow ... and grow, and grow.  What if we decided to subtract, rather than add, to our lives?

This is a wonderful idea from Tom Peters and Jim Collins, the authors of In Search of Excellence and Good to Great, respectively.  I was introduced to it by reading motivation guru Dan Pink's excellent book Drive, and also found it on productivity expert Peter Bregman's blogpost on the Wall Street Journal. The To-Don't List is #6 on Pink's recent manifesto FLIP: 16 Counter-Intuitive Ideas about Motivation (downloadable from his site):

"The key insight of both Peters and Collins is that we spend too much time on addition and not nearly enough on subtraction. Yet it's only by taking away what doesn't matter that allows us to reveal what does matter."

Here's my list, strategically placed so that it's constantly visible (on my desktop, mobile, cube wall):

• Don't snack after 8pm
  (I tend to go overboard and end up with lovely case of indigestion)

• Don't accept meetings or conference calls I wouldn't have initiated myself
  (sorry Dan, I took that straight from you - it's a really valuable one!)

• Don't snack before practicing the piano in the evening
  (it's only to put off the inevitable)

• Don't go to bed after 11 pm

• Don't say 'yes' to requests merely out of habit

• Don't be a perfectionist when the task at hand doesn't require the extra mile

Simply writing these down has stopped me in my tracks even thinking about doing some of the above.  This evening I thought about snacking on something sweet after dinner, but it was already after 8pm.  Though I was sorely tempted, I remembered my new list.  I made a deal with myself: I'd wait twenty minutes and then if I still really wanted that snack, I'd get it.  That wasn't victory outright, but it was a start! 

That's how powerful writing down a list can be.  As Pink writes:

"... merely by making those productivity and satisfaction destroyers explicit, and facing them day after day, I clarify what is truly important to me - producing good work and spending time with those I care about." 

That sounds like a good deal to me!  

So, what's on your list?

Know Your Body and Know Yourself

Have you tapped into your own personal Google?  

That’s a question that you may hear from Steve Sisgold, one of the warmest and most engaging people you’ll ever meet.  Here’s a person who genuinely cares about you, and wants you to know how all the answers you need to make your life better than it’s ever been are already within you - your own personal Google!

I can’t take credit for that unique turn of phrase.  I met Steve when he came to give a talk at Google last quarter (check it out on YouTube!).  

The main premise of Steve’s wisdom is that if we take notice of and listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us, we can then begin to understand where our anxieties are coming from and thus overcome them to find our truer, happier selves.  He is the author of the book “What’s Your Body Telling You?”, through which you can gain deeper insight on this unique way of assessing our personal wellness.

I find this a thrillingly simple way of “working with what you have”.  We were born with generations of “fight or flight” instincts - our brain and bodies are still wired to help us run away from a charging saber-toothed tiger in our prehistoric days, or to freeze when we see a snake in our path.  But what happens when these instincts kick in when we’re not immediately threatened by literal situations of life or death?  

The result is that we’ve  learned how to suppress these instincts to a certain extent.  But in doing so, are we neglecting the most important signal to understanding ourselves at that moment, to remain forever blind to the keys that could very well unlock our own potential in these crucial moments?

Let’s put it more personally: Have you ever felt a surge within you when you feel strongly about something, only to dismiss it?  Do you ever tell yourself, “That’s ridiculous - there’s no way this is possible,” even before you’ve fully articulated your deepest desires?  This is one way dreams are nipped in the bud.  

The key is to be open to possibility, and to make yourself vulnerable.  All it takes to begin this journey to self-knowledge is simply to notice what your body’s doing at any given moment.  Steve calls this your Body Quotient, or BQ.  

How does this work?  Take a moment and just breathe.  Focus on the quality of your breathing.  What do you notice?  Steve invited us to try this little exercise, and we all discovered something new.  I inhaled deeply quite easily, but found I could not exhale fully.  It struck me that in general I listen to others well and can absorb a lot of stress, but it can be difficult for me to relax and shake loose.  My breathing could very well reflect this. It was a wonderful moment of insight, shared by my fellow participants in their own way.

Our bodies our also like a database of all the experiences we’ve ever had.  If you don’t know why your mind is willing but the rest of you is not, ask your body: What are beliefs that I carry in my body that prevent me from doing what I want?  This is what Steve meant by tapping into your own personal Google.  

What do we mean by ‘beliefs we carry in our bodies’?  Steve told a story about a man who cringed whenever colleagues patted him on the back; they thought he was just weird, but it turned out that when this man was growing up his older brother would slap him on the back quite unpleasantly.  The man was mentally receptive to his colleagues’ good will, but his body remembered the negative experience associated with the gesture and instinctively he would shrink away. Once he realized what was causing his behavior, he was able to communicate it. To his relief, nobody thought this was strange at all, and his colleagues began to express their approval in a non-physical way.  This is the mind-body connection at work.

Focusing on your body is a startlingly simple way to understand yourself and to navigate life’s challenges starting with you: it’s about listening to your body, and what it’s telling you - right now!

So listen, and articulate what you’re feeling.  You may very well learn why you experience certain anxieties that prevent you from doing what you want, and thus unlock the keys to overcoming them.

Want to learn more about the mind-body connection?  Check out Steve SIsgold’s site and his book!  If you have read Steve's book, watched his videos, or have attended one of his events, please share anything you’ve noticed or learned as a result of applying Steve’s teachings - I look forward to hearing from you!

Competition as Learning Opportunity: A Frame of Mind

You know the feeling: Someone got a nod from the executive director for a good idea at a meeting and you think, "That could've been me!" Or, there's a dancer in your class or company who can seem to do no wrong *and* nail every triple pirouette.  These situations bring out your competitive spirit, which can grow from admiration to jealousy. You can let it eat you alive, or you can use it to help you be the best you can be so you can identify strengths, areas of improvement, and fire you up to form a game plan for continuous learning.  

In other words, what mindset you have can make a dramatic difference in your own personal outcome.  There's competition for the pure sake of it, and there's competition and progress.  To illustrate, the brilliant pianist Lang Lang's early childhood was dominated by the singular desire to be No. 1, whether it was to place first in every competition he entered, or to rank first at the conservatory.  When he didn't place in his second competition, the young Lang Lang beat up his consolation prize (a stuffed dog) in fury.  It wasn't until his mid-teens that his teacher, Gary Graffman, asked him to give up competitions and encouraged him to look inside himself and the music he played.  Until he could do this, the young pianist would not be able to learn the artistic depth required of a consummate musician.  Lang Lang is now considered one of the most exciting and engaging classical pianists in the world today. 

Whenever I feel that sense of urgency upon seeing excellence exhibited by another and that secret, terrible thought voices itself: "That could be me! ... Right?", I remember the below.  Give these a try when you're bitten by the competitive bug and see how you can grow!

Acknowledge the desire to be the best you can be.

It's natural to want to do well and to gain recognition for your talents and skills.  Understanding this and being okay with it is the first step on the path to learning!

Allow the performance, knowledge, and skills demonstrated by others light a fire under you.

Think about what you can work on - where does that other person shine?  What could you do to gain skill and/or expertise in that area?

Remember what you’re good at, and work on making these assets even stronger.

In doing so, people will see clearly where you shine!

For example, I have some significant shortcomings as a Chinese dancer in terms of technique and flexibility. When I'm in class, I always work on every aspect to try and improve where I am weaker to gain overall prowess as a dancer.  When I perform, however, I learn choreography that challenges me and yet allows me to show my greatest strengths - high energy, knee turns, and acting.  Similarly, in high school tennis matches I would try to set up plays so that I could be close to the net for low, fast hits since I regularly found myself noticeably shorter than my opponents. 

Use others’ competitiveness to your advantage. 

I don’t mean to go out of your way to hurt others; I mean to let the most negative parts bounce off you and to absorb the rest and convert it into positive energy for you.  That sounds remarkably new agey, so let me illustrate with an example.  

I was an underdog when I played competitive tennis in high school.  My opponents, usually tall, leggy girls, would see a short kid with socks pulled all the way up and a big hat my mother would make me wear so I wouldn’t get sunburnt.  In other words, I didn’t look like a tennis player; I looked awkward.  But the match would start and there would be surprise; I wasn’t a bad player, after all.  I would often face opponents who would grow frustrated as I gained points and won games in a set; I could feel anger searing me from across the court.  But, the more hostile an opponent got, the calmer and more focused I became.  I simply channeled her anger into quiet control on my part, and I would usually win these games.  I’d developed a way to take someone else’s negative energy and use it to help me focus.  

If you really have to compete with someone or something, compete with yourself.  

Accomplished something?  Set a new goal!  That way, you’ll drive yourself to achieve on ever higher levels, rather than allow admiration of another turn into envy or jealousy on dangerous levels (a little bit can be helpful to push you, though).  

Celebrate your successes.

Compete with yourself, yes, but remember to celebrate your successes when you reach a milestone; take a moment to stop and acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.  Otherwise, if you’re like me, you’ll just look to the next goal and risk driving yourself to exhaustion because you can ultimately never become a master of anything!  

For example, the last time I was promoted, I thought, "yes!" and then the next day it was, "what’s it going to take to prove myself, and what do I need to do to make it to the next level?"  In the dance studio, I hadn’t realized the extent of the progress I’d made towards executing a series of difficult "propeller" turns until my coach mentioned at the end of my rehearsal that even though I was far from perfect, I’d come a long way already.  I realized I could only see what still wasn’t working and had focused only on what lay ahead.  It was a lovely moment, to stop and realize that yes, I was no longer falling all over the place and feeling nauseous!  

Be aware that there will always be someone who can do something better than you, in some way. (And that's okay!)

We can’t be super or even proficient at everything, and that’s an incredible blessing.  When you feel that pang in your chest that someone is better than you, remind yourself that this person may be better than you at something - not that he or she is intrinsically better than you.  Therein lies the difference, and only when you believe this will you have the power to take a step back and assess what it is that person does well, and how you can learn from them.  That way, every situation is an opportunity to grow.  

That’s the beauty and mystery of life; if we could become absolute masters, we’d have to move onto something new lest we stagnate and lose that sense of possibility and learning.  Although I must admit that in my most down-trodden moments I wonder if I tell myself this only to assuage my bruised sense of self-worth, the tactic works.  Separate the self from the situation, as painful and difficult as it is, and seek to understand what you can gain.  In the end, I hope you’ll find, as I have, that a competitive spirit can be a surprisingly collaborative one at its heart. 

Daily Rituals

Chances are, there are certain things you do every morning when you get up.  Whether it’s drinking a cup of coffee, feeding the cat, or hitting the gym, these little rituals are what jumpstart you.  To get your creative juices flowing and ready for the workday whether you’re looking for a new way to spice up the steps in the piece you’re rehearsing or a new way to approach a solution with a client, it can be wonderfully grounding to apply some structure in your life.  

This structure can take many forms, and one of them is that of the daily routine, or daily ritual (the credit for this inspiration goes to Twyla Tharp, again!).  For example, a colleague of mine gets up at 5:30 every morning and swims for 45 minutes, after which he sits down and writes in his online journal.  It’s his way of getting in his exercise and clearing his mind, all before he gets to the office.  

Establishing a daily ritual can be especially important when traveling.  We work in increasingly global organizations, and sometimes we’re asked to travel to collaborate directly with our colleagues and partners in other parts of the world.  Perhaps you’re lucky enough to be touring with your performing arts organization or as a solo artist.  Being away from home can be stressful enough as it is, much less having to shoulder the responsibilities of preparing presentations for a meeting, getting bloated limbs to cooperate in rehearsal, and being your most productive when you’re fatigued and jet-lagged.

Figuring out your daily routine and sticking to it can give you the right rhythm to your days on the road.  When the environment is different and life presents greater uncertainties, your daily routine, if adhered to, can give you the psychological comfort of having at least one thing you have control over.  

During the past year I traveled to Beijing very frequently for my office job and spent several weeks at a time there.  Even though I became familiar with the area, being away from family and the familiar comforts of home (read: dance class, my piano) inevitably took a toll.  After a bit of experimentation, I figured out what I needed to do.  I got up every morning at 6:00 to do a full ballet barre and some center work, then headed to the office.  After work, no matter how tired I was, I exercised for at least another 30 minutes to sweat and engage my body after mostly sitting all day.  Then came my favorite part: the hot shower, then sitting in bed with my journal listening to music.  Sleep.

After I established this daily ritual, my energy levels improved and I felt that I’d finally added my own personal stamp to my life abroad.  

Of course, this can apply equally well to life without travel.  Life throws us surprises of all kinds, and it can be overwhelming to deal with them - work, family, friends, health.  But, if you have your tried and true daily ritual to return to, it can help remind you that you do have control over your life.  

Even if you wake up and wonder how you’re going to drag yourself out of bed and face your inbox at the office or engage your aching muscles at the dance studio, you know you’ll feel better after you’ve gone through your daily ritual.  You’ll be that much more ready to face your day and do what you need to do.  Who knows, maybe you’ll even exceed your own expectations!

Do you have a daily ritual that works for you?  Share a Comment; I’d love to hear from you!