Know Your Body and Know Yourself

Have you tapped into your own personal Google?  

That’s a question that you may hear from Steve Sisgold, one of the warmest and most engaging people you’ll ever meet.  Here’s a person who genuinely cares about you, and wants you to know how all the answers you need to make your life better than it’s ever been are already within you - your own personal Google!

I can’t take credit for that unique turn of phrase.  I met Steve when he came to give a talk at Google last quarter (check it out on YouTube!).  

The main premise of Steve’s wisdom is that if we take notice of and listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us, we can then begin to understand where our anxieties are coming from and thus overcome them to find our truer, happier selves.  He is the author of the book “What’s Your Body Telling You?”, through which you can gain deeper insight on this unique way of assessing our personal wellness.

I find this a thrillingly simple way of “working with what you have”.  We were born with generations of “fight or flight” instincts - our brain and bodies are still wired to help us run away from a charging saber-toothed tiger in our prehistoric days, or to freeze when we see a snake in our path.  But what happens when these instincts kick in when we’re not immediately threatened by literal situations of life or death?  

The result is that we’ve  learned how to suppress these instincts to a certain extent.  But in doing so, are we neglecting the most important signal to understanding ourselves at that moment, to remain forever blind to the keys that could very well unlock our own potential in these crucial moments?

Let’s put it more personally: Have you ever felt a surge within you when you feel strongly about something, only to dismiss it?  Do you ever tell yourself, “That’s ridiculous - there’s no way this is possible,” even before you’ve fully articulated your deepest desires?  This is one way dreams are nipped in the bud.  

The key is to be open to possibility, and to make yourself vulnerable.  All it takes to begin this journey to self-knowledge is simply to notice what your body’s doing at any given moment.  Steve calls this your Body Quotient, or BQ.  

How does this work?  Take a moment and just breathe.  Focus on the quality of your breathing.  What do you notice?  Steve invited us to try this little exercise, and we all discovered something new.  I inhaled deeply quite easily, but found I could not exhale fully.  It struck me that in general I listen to others well and can absorb a lot of stress, but it can be difficult for me to relax and shake loose.  My breathing could very well reflect this. It was a wonderful moment of insight, shared by my fellow participants in their own way.

Our bodies our also like a database of all the experiences we’ve ever had.  If you don’t know why your mind is willing but the rest of you is not, ask your body: What are beliefs that I carry in my body that prevent me from doing what I want?  This is what Steve meant by tapping into your own personal Google.  

What do we mean by ‘beliefs we carry in our bodies’?  Steve told a story about a man who cringed whenever colleagues patted him on the back; they thought he was just weird, but it turned out that when this man was growing up his older brother would slap him on the back quite unpleasantly.  The man was mentally receptive to his colleagues’ good will, but his body remembered the negative experience associated with the gesture and instinctively he would shrink away. Once he realized what was causing his behavior, he was able to communicate it. To his relief, nobody thought this was strange at all, and his colleagues began to express their approval in a non-physical way.  This is the mind-body connection at work.

Focusing on your body is a startlingly simple way to understand yourself and to navigate life’s challenges starting with you: it’s about listening to your body, and what it’s telling you - right now!

So listen, and articulate what you’re feeling.  You may very well learn why you experience certain anxieties that prevent you from doing what you want, and thus unlock the keys to overcoming them.

Want to learn more about the mind-body connection?  Check out Steve SIsgold’s site and his book!  If you have read Steve's book, watched his videos, or have attended one of his events, please share anything you’ve noticed or learned as a result of applying Steve’s teachings - I look forward to hearing from you!

Embrace Your Fear

If you’re like me, you’re no stranger to the feeling of being scared of something, whether it was of the dark when you were a kid, of whether eating a durian really tastes like it smells, or of taking on a new challenge at work.  The fear can grow the more we shrink away from whatever we’re afraid of, until even the thought of it can be mentally and physically debilitating.  Fortunately, we can overcome this, or at least make whatever we dread less daunting!  In a nutshell, embrace your fear: knowledge leads to familiarity, which tends to lead to less fear since the greater part of the unknown is taken out of the equation.

Here are two main steps that I've found work well to chip away that fear and help you become more informed and confident.  

Acknowledge Your Fear
It’s okay to be afraid of something.  Don’t worry if you think you’re the only one afraid - other people probably share the same or similar fears, but just haven’t let on!  This is the first step to understanding what it is you’re afraid of and to enable you to take action.  

As an example, when I had the opportunity to really make a difference in my organization, I was gripped by the thought: “What if I don’t deliver to expectations? I finally have this chance!  What if I screw up?  What if something happens and we don’t launch?”  The list grew longer, and I had bouts of what felt like paralysis: my fear was preventing me from doing what I needed to do to get onto the road to success.  

The last thing I needed was a self-fulfilling prophecy driven by fear!  At a certain point, I knew this wasn’t going to work; it was exhausting me.  I took some deep breaths and tried to clear my mind of the clutter (listening to calming music beforehand was helpful).  I told myself, “I’m petrified that I’ll fail in this project.  That’s okay.  Uncertainty is naturally scary.  So why beat yourself up about it?  You won’t know how things will turn out until you really try.”

It sounds silly, but telling yourself that you know your fear is there and that it’s okay can have a powerful effect.  After I came to this conclusion, the fear no longer consumed me, but sort of rode alongside me like a sidecar to a motorcycle - it was there, but smaller, and at each milestone I was reminded me of how far I had come.  

Get to Know What You’ve Been Fearing
Baby steps are absolutely fine, and may even be the best option so as not to overwhelm yourself.  This step is what demystifies whatever has been looming ominously in your life, and will thereafter be cut down to its real size.  If what you fear is a skill that you’ve always avoided for whatever reason but want to have, for example, start by doing some preliminary research online, and maybe even work your way up to taking a course.

I’d always avoided anything having to do with finances like the plague - those cold numbers would stare back at me and my mind would go blank.  I wanted nothing to do with them.  And yet, I wanted to gain enough knowledge to at least be able to manage my personal finances intelligently, as well as to understand budget forecasts and participate in relevant discussions on the job.  I felt a sense of helpless urgency.

So, I started with a small step.  I searched online for the basics on personal finance to get to know a few terms and some best practices.  I took notes.  However, I soon found myself getting overwhelmed by all that financial jargon, and forced myself to stop before I burned out and put up a thicker wall between me and the object of my fear.  

I began to find ways to research that worked for me; I pinpointed a few sites that presented material in a way I could understand fairly well and allocated a short period of time each week to learn something new or review a concept I’d encountered the last time.  I started with just one session a week, for 15 minutes.  If I decided to research longer, that was fine, as long as I stopped before I got frustrated.  

You can do the same: experiment, and find out what works for you.  Then, set a little regimen for yourself.  The key is to set your goals achieveably low - this is not the time to set those aggressive stretch goals!  You want to make progress, not to hit the wall.

Eventually, I worked up my courage to enroll in a class on navigating finances in a corporate setting.  This presented a whole new level of trepidation for me - personal finance was one thing, but corporate finance?  I was afraid the material would go over my head, but I’d committed to giving it a try.  

The result was amazing - with a great instructor and useful activities, I was soon wielding equations and crunching numbers to analyze case studies.  With my initial fears, I never would have thought this possible.  

What changed?  The numbers and concepts I’d been so scared of were brought to my level of eyesight for close examination, demystified, and voila, I could work with them.  Now, let me say that I’m nowhere close to being a finance whiz, but the key is that I’m not longer half as afraid of the concept and of the numbers as I was before.  

Take action!
The above steps are simple in nature, and yet not necessarily easy.  But, I've found them very effective for all kinds of apprehensiveness: learning a new dance form that puts me way out of my comfort zone (hip hop!), the thought of the disastrous results if I attempted play a piano piece I used to know well but could hardly muster after years of not practicing (so much easier to just not try!), to name two.  

Just make sure you’re not sitting on your hands, avoiding your fear and letting it grow - take action!  Acknowledge that your fear is there, then start taking the mystery out of it.  It can be as small as searching online for information, or to break down the activity into bite-sized portions so it's not as daunting.  

Fear is a natural, inevitable part of our lives.  It’s in our hands - we can keep pushing away what we fear and let it grow into a monster, or we can take control of our lives to gain valuable knowledge and emerge with that much more confidence in ourselves.

Are there any strategies, tactics, mantras, etc. that have worked for you deal with fear?  I'd love to hear from you!

Insights Discovery, Indeed! Personality and Development

Some months ago I took a program management class, at the end of the session, almost as a little coda or afterthought, we received our very own Insights Discovery Personal Profile.  We'd been asked to complete a set of questions beforehand, which looked like another one of those personality tests.  The result turned out to be one of the main learnings I took away from the class.

In the past I'd benefited from taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test to learn more about myself and how I interact with others, but I didn't expect much from this one.  Boy, was I surprised when I received my 21-page packet!  The Insights Discovery version tackles personality from an angle that is directly relevant to both personal and professional situations, and provides, well, insights, and guidance that are affirming, enlightening, and uncannily spot-on.

There were several themes that I'd always known about myself, but hadn't taken to this level of analysis.  The report's suggestions for ways I can develop further included the following:

• Developing short cut methods to meet deadlines
• This definitely speaks to my desire for perfection, regardless of the task.  Sometimes I even ask myself, "Why am I trying to do such a thorough job here when it's not necessary?" and I usually answer, "If you're going to do it, do it well!"  Unfortunately, I'm rather demanding of myself.  Although, let it be known that when there's a deadline, I'm definitely making it.
• Being less sensitive to the needs of others
• This is when I think, yes, yes, I know, but, as E.M. Forster wrote in his novel Maurice, "Can a leopard change its spots?"  Perhaps not, but I realize that it's possible to keep one's true nature and yet enact subtle changes based on one's own situational perspective.  On the flip side, this trait is one of my biggest assets that people consistently tell me about.  
• Taking the occasional risk by deciding only on the information available. It may be better to make a poor decision than no decision at all
• Really?  I'm not quite sure on this one yet.  I'm naturally given to action - I tend to feel a sense of urgency when something important to me is at stake.  And yet, a poor decision in lieu of no decision?  Isn't making no decision a decision in and of itself?   I think that's an important distinction.  Hmm.
• Articulating her ideas, rather than keeping them to herself
• Because it's in my nature to strive for harmony, I tend to want to hear what everyone says first, then do research, and then feel okay about saying what I have to say, because 1) I'll have the context of how people involved feel about the matter, and 2) I'll be able to back it up.  I've also noticed that sometimes if I don't say anything, it's taken as either tacit agreement or disagreement - this is not intended.  I just want to take it all in, and think about it. 

There were a few more, but I'd like to focus on the above, as they figure prominently in my mind.  I'd struggled with these personality aspects before, trying to analyze the reactions and feedback of others and finding out how they interpreted my actions or inactions.  Recently, I've felt my interactions in particular situations becoming a bit easier, and you know what?  The reason seems a bit like a dirty secret: I simply began to care less.  

Please don't take this to mean that I no longer care about what I do and those around me; since I start out by being super careful and sensitive to everyone around me, my caring less still means I'm highly primed to be aware.  The difference is that I no longer let it completely prevent me from expressing myself or taking action when I need to.  The second-guessing is no longer debilitating.   

I'm still working on it (everything in life is a work in progress - onward and upward!), but it's reassuring to know that the leopard can keep her spots and still hold her place in the jungle.  

Competition as Learning Opportunity: A Frame of Mind

You know the feeling: Someone got a nod from the executive director for a good idea at a meeting and you think, "That could've been me!" Or, there's a dancer in your class or company who can seem to do no wrong *and* nail every triple pirouette.  These situations bring out your competitive spirit, which can grow from admiration to jealousy. You can let it eat you alive, or you can use it to help you be the best you can be so you can identify strengths, areas of improvement, and fire you up to form a game plan for continuous learning.  

In other words, what mindset you have can make a dramatic difference in your own personal outcome.  There's competition for the pure sake of it, and there's competition and progress.  To illustrate, the brilliant pianist Lang Lang's early childhood was dominated by the singular desire to be No. 1, whether it was to place first in every competition he entered, or to rank first at the conservatory.  When he didn't place in his second competition, the young Lang Lang beat up his consolation prize (a stuffed dog) in fury.  It wasn't until his mid-teens that his teacher, Gary Graffman, asked him to give up competitions and encouraged him to look inside himself and the music he played.  Until he could do this, the young pianist would not be able to learn the artistic depth required of a consummate musician.  Lang Lang is now considered one of the most exciting and engaging classical pianists in the world today. 

Whenever I feel that sense of urgency upon seeing excellence exhibited by another and that secret, terrible thought voices itself: "That could be me! ... Right?", I remember the below.  Give these a try when you're bitten by the competitive bug and see how you can grow!

Acknowledge the desire to be the best you can be.

It's natural to want to do well and to gain recognition for your talents and skills.  Understanding this and being okay with it is the first step on the path to learning!

Allow the performance, knowledge, and skills demonstrated by others light a fire under you.

Think about what you can work on - where does that other person shine?  What could you do to gain skill and/or expertise in that area?

Remember what you’re good at, and work on making these assets even stronger.

In doing so, people will see clearly where you shine!

For example, I have some significant shortcomings as a Chinese dancer in terms of technique and flexibility. When I'm in class, I always work on every aspect to try and improve where I am weaker to gain overall prowess as a dancer.  When I perform, however, I learn choreography that challenges me and yet allows me to show my greatest strengths - high energy, knee turns, and acting.  Similarly, in high school tennis matches I would try to set up plays so that I could be close to the net for low, fast hits since I regularly found myself noticeably shorter than my opponents. 

Use others’ competitiveness to your advantage. 

I don’t mean to go out of your way to hurt others; I mean to let the most negative parts bounce off you and to absorb the rest and convert it into positive energy for you.  That sounds remarkably new agey, so let me illustrate with an example.  

I was an underdog when I played competitive tennis in high school.  My opponents, usually tall, leggy girls, would see a short kid with socks pulled all the way up and a big hat my mother would make me wear so I wouldn’t get sunburnt.  In other words, I didn’t look like a tennis player; I looked awkward.  But the match would start and there would be surprise; I wasn’t a bad player, after all.  I would often face opponents who would grow frustrated as I gained points and won games in a set; I could feel anger searing me from across the court.  But, the more hostile an opponent got, the calmer and more focused I became.  I simply channeled her anger into quiet control on my part, and I would usually win these games.  I’d developed a way to take someone else’s negative energy and use it to help me focus.  

If you really have to compete with someone or something, compete with yourself.  

Accomplished something?  Set a new goal!  That way, you’ll drive yourself to achieve on ever higher levels, rather than allow admiration of another turn into envy or jealousy on dangerous levels (a little bit can be helpful to push you, though).  

Celebrate your successes.

Compete with yourself, yes, but remember to celebrate your successes when you reach a milestone; take a moment to stop and acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.  Otherwise, if you’re like me, you’ll just look to the next goal and risk driving yourself to exhaustion because you can ultimately never become a master of anything!  

For example, the last time I was promoted, I thought, "yes!" and then the next day it was, "what’s it going to take to prove myself, and what do I need to do to make it to the next level?"  In the dance studio, I hadn’t realized the extent of the progress I’d made towards executing a series of difficult "propeller" turns until my coach mentioned at the end of my rehearsal that even though I was far from perfect, I’d come a long way already.  I realized I could only see what still wasn’t working and had focused only on what lay ahead.  It was a lovely moment, to stop and realize that yes, I was no longer falling all over the place and feeling nauseous!  

Be aware that there will always be someone who can do something better than you, in some way. (And that's okay!)

We can’t be super or even proficient at everything, and that’s an incredible blessing.  When you feel that pang in your chest that someone is better than you, remind yourself that this person may be better than you at something - not that he or she is intrinsically better than you.  Therein lies the difference, and only when you believe this will you have the power to take a step back and assess what it is that person does well, and how you can learn from them.  That way, every situation is an opportunity to grow.  

That’s the beauty and mystery of life; if we could become absolute masters, we’d have to move onto something new lest we stagnate and lose that sense of possibility and learning.  Although I must admit that in my most down-trodden moments I wonder if I tell myself this only to assuage my bruised sense of self-worth, the tactic works.  Separate the self from the situation, as painful and difficult as it is, and seek to understand what you can gain.  In the end, I hope you’ll find, as I have, that a competitive spirit can be a surprisingly collaborative one at its heart. 

Daily Rituals

Chances are, there are certain things you do every morning when you get up.  Whether it’s drinking a cup of coffee, feeding the cat, or hitting the gym, these little rituals are what jumpstart you.  To get your creative juices flowing and ready for the workday whether you’re looking for a new way to spice up the steps in the piece you’re rehearsing or a new way to approach a solution with a client, it can be wonderfully grounding to apply some structure in your life.  

This structure can take many forms, and one of them is that of the daily routine, or daily ritual (the credit for this inspiration goes to Twyla Tharp, again!).  For example, a colleague of mine gets up at 5:30 every morning and swims for 45 minutes, after which he sits down and writes in his online journal.  It’s his way of getting in his exercise and clearing his mind, all before he gets to the office.  

Establishing a daily ritual can be especially important when traveling.  We work in increasingly global organizations, and sometimes we’re asked to travel to collaborate directly with our colleagues and partners in other parts of the world.  Perhaps you’re lucky enough to be touring with your performing arts organization or as a solo artist.  Being away from home can be stressful enough as it is, much less having to shoulder the responsibilities of preparing presentations for a meeting, getting bloated limbs to cooperate in rehearsal, and being your most productive when you’re fatigued and jet-lagged.

Figuring out your daily routine and sticking to it can give you the right rhythm to your days on the road.  When the environment is different and life presents greater uncertainties, your daily routine, if adhered to, can give you the psychological comfort of having at least one thing you have control over.  

During the past year I traveled to Beijing very frequently for my office job and spent several weeks at a time there.  Even though I became familiar with the area, being away from family and the familiar comforts of home (read: dance class, my piano) inevitably took a toll.  After a bit of experimentation, I figured out what I needed to do.  I got up every morning at 6:00 to do a full ballet barre and some center work, then headed to the office.  After work, no matter how tired I was, I exercised for at least another 30 minutes to sweat and engage my body after mostly sitting all day.  Then came my favorite part: the hot shower, then sitting in bed with my journal listening to music.  Sleep.

After I established this daily ritual, my energy levels improved and I felt that I’d finally added my own personal stamp to my life abroad.  

Of course, this can apply equally well to life without travel.  Life throws us surprises of all kinds, and it can be overwhelming to deal with them - work, family, friends, health.  But, if you have your tried and true daily ritual to return to, it can help remind you that you do have control over your life.  

Even if you wake up and wonder how you’re going to drag yourself out of bed and face your inbox at the office or engage your aching muscles at the dance studio, you know you’ll feel better after you’ve gone through your daily ritual.  You’ll be that much more ready to face your day and do what you need to do.  Who knows, maybe you’ll even exceed your own expectations!

Do you have a daily ritual that works for you?  Share a Comment; I’d love to hear from you!  

The Courage to Be Creative - Your Way

It may not be the fate - or even the desire - of each of us to change the world, to be the next Steve Jobs or Pablo Picasso.  That said, this shouldn’t stop us from doing what we believe in.  Unfortunately, the messages we receive are often conflicting, and creativity is not always encouraged.  In some cases there may be consequences for doing something in a different way, or to finding another way to go about it entirely.  This isn’t always the case, but if the end result doesn’t meet expectations, it can be like a door has been slammed on your creative idea.  You wanted to be creative, but it failed.  You’d better stick to the basics, buddy.  

The pressure to stifle creativity can begin in school.  As Sir Ken Robinson states in his TED talk, “Intelligence is diverse. Intelligence is dynamic. Intelligence is distinct.”  The irony is, many schools emphasize math and science and those areas that will ostensibly help us become employed when we become adults.  There may be those with a gift in a certain area, but for the rest of us average children, we’d better stick to the grain or risk mediocrity - or worse, poverty - for the remainder of our lives.  


But what about those people who are brilliant in their own ways, but who don’t believe their talents have merit because they receive constant reinforcement that they are not?  Their gifts may diverge from math and science and other conventionally “applicable” disciplines.  These students only know that they are average, or less than average, in those courses that promising students are supposed to do well in.  


Take the example of my mother. Everything about her is musical: her abilities of retention, analysis, performance, and interpretation of classical music are extraordinary (my assessment is not, I assure you, solely based on the fact that she is my mother). She should be an artist in some capacity. What's tragic is that she sees herself as a failure. 

Throughout my mother's schooling she was repeatedly told that her talents were useless, and she still believes it to this day.  She is plagued by the fact that she never mastered advanced math.  When I tell her how valuable her true self is, she beams for a moment, only to shake her head and say, “Yes, but what use is it?”  This firm belief is why she precludes herself from any possibility of starting an artistic life, even in her retirement.



It’s almost as if the message is: If you’re not innovative in a shortlist of pre-approved fields, you might as well give up. After all, how many George Balanchines and Paul McCartneys are out there?  

As Sir Ken Robinson put it succinctly and rather devastatingly, “We are educating people out of their creativity.”


How can we find a balance?  How can we do our due diligence, yet still find the breathing space to find our true talents?  If we don’t happen to have a supportive community be it family or school or workplace, we must find the courage to strike out in our own ways.  


First, acknowledge your talents and abilities.  Make a list and keep it handy, if it’ll help remind you of who you are and that you are valuable for your unique qualities.  In my mother’s case she can’t even bring herself to do this first step, so I’m writing a list for her to see what results.  I’m hoping my admiration for her will help her see just how valuable her talents are.


Second, find opportunities, no matter how small, to put your ideas into play.  Attach a concrete reason to work on your idea.  As I read once, “If you like something, find a way to call it work.”  Give yourself a goal.  Before I started this blog I knew I loved to write, but had never done anything about it.  I realized I’d never given myself a reason.  My blog was the vehicle through which I set my goals.  Every week I had to brainstorm ideas to write about. Even if I didn’t come up with anything I ultimately used, at least I’d done something.  Psychologically this reinforced the legitimacy of my project, and equally important, it became a habit.


Third, find a way to get some kind of external validation for what you’re doing.  It’s really difficult working in a vacuum after the initial groundwork is laid.  At some point, find someone to share your work in progress with (don’t wait for that perfect moment; it doesn’t exist!).  It could be a family member, friend, or a shot in the dark submission to someone in that field whom you admire.  If your idea is work-related, try to find a mentor or someone you trust to bounce your framework off of.  That person may point out aspects you’d never considered, allowing you to strengthen your work before you bring it to a bigger (or more crucial) audience.


It’s a cycle. After presenting to a confidant, it’s usually necessary to go back to your inner world and reassess, restructure, redo.  Hopefully this process will build on your confidence, even as setbacks give you reason to improve and/or bolster your belief in your work.  The key is not to lose courage.  If your idea means enough to you, you’ll find ways to carry on and fight for it.  It takes guts to try something you might have been told is impractical, will lead to a dead end, will cause you to lose your current job, will render you a pauper ... the naysayer’s list is endless.  

But as Steve Jobs said, why live your life for someone else?  If you don’t believe in your own particular kind of creativity, the only person who will be left asking “What if ...?” in the end, is you.

Progress and Results = ...?

I have never been a natural "turner", as we say in the dance community.  One of several important aspects of turning successfully is to spot, a technique in which the dancer rotates the body first and the head last. This allows the dancer to anchor him or herself to a direction, and prevents dizziness.  It's taken me considerable work to gain proficiency; in the process I've fallen out of turns, succumbed to severe bouts of nausea, the works.

But now, even as I am acutely aware of my shortcomings, I've discovered that I can execute multiple pirouettes (turns) with a much higher success rate than before.  Focusing on the basics is paying off; I see the results, I feel the results, and a feeling surges within me - I'm making progress!

How does 'making progress' happen in the office? The definition of progress can vary greatly depending on one's job function, obviously, but as a program manager in my current organization, I find I don't always know what this means.

When working on dance, on the base level of technique it's apparent when things aren't going well.  It feels terrible, both physically and mentally, because there's no fooling yourself if you're executing technique incorrectly.  Physics doesn't lie.  (This is not to say that there aren't subtle ways to cheat; that's another topic entirely - for the purposes of our current theme, let's assume that the dancer is conscious of clean technique.)

This in turn applies to making music.  It's not working if the sound that comes out doesn't align with what's on the page, or if the notes don't connect or the phrasing is broken due to poor fingering choices on the piano.  You can hear it, and you can feel it.

As in the office and in the arts, we are similarly driven by priorities and business needs - the choreographer wants to work on a Tibetan dance, and it's my job to study and learn how to internalize the traditional movements and culture of Tibet; the director of my organization at the office wants to launch X within 1 week, and my work as a program manager is cut out for me.

I suppose I could say that I'm making progress and seeing results when I'm nearing completion of my portion to make the launch of X possible.  But somehow, it doesn't feel like I'm gaining expertise - I've developed a strategy and labored away, but that's just it.  I'm making progress for the organization, but am I making progress for me?

That's the difference; when I work on executing a decent pirouette, learn how to shrug my shoulders with just the right insouciance for an Uighur ethnic dance, or finally master the intoxicatingly furious ending of Ravel's Valses Nobles et Sentimentales No. 1 on the piano, I know what I am internalizing.  I know when I am making progress, just as I know when I am not.  The results, or lack thereof, are clear.

This realization is startling, because this clarity contrasts deeply with my other life: I haven't figured out what it means to me to make progress at work.  Perhaps it's because I'm not operating at my forte, that I'm not in an environment or job function in which my path and growth flow innately and operate in harmony with the priorities and needs of the organization.

That leads to the greatest question: am I in the right place at all?  In my heart, I want to believe I'll instinctively know what it means to make progress when I've found work that truly means something to me.  I won't give up; I'll keep asking myself tough questions as I explore and find my way.

While I forge my path there, my labor at the dance studio and at the keys of my beautiful Steinway grand piano will remind me of the way it feels to find my way forward, naturally.