Competition as Learning Opportunity: A Frame of Mind

You know the feeling: Someone got a nod from the executive director for a good idea at a meeting and you think, "That could've been me!" Or, there's a dancer in your class or company who can seem to do no wrong *and* nail every triple pirouette.  These situations bring out your competitive spirit, which can grow from admiration to jealousy. You can let it eat you alive, or you can use it to help you be the best you can be so you can identify strengths, areas of improvement, and fire you up to form a game plan for continuous learning.  

In other words, what mindset you have can make a dramatic difference in your own personal outcome.  There's competition for the pure sake of it, and there's competition and progress.  To illustrate, the brilliant pianist Lang Lang's early childhood was dominated by the singular desire to be No. 1, whether it was to place first in every competition he entered, or to rank first at the conservatory.  When he didn't place in his second competition, the young Lang Lang beat up his consolation prize (a stuffed dog) in fury.  It wasn't until his mid-teens that his teacher, Gary Graffman, asked him to give up competitions and encouraged him to look inside himself and the music he played.  Until he could do this, the young pianist would not be able to learn the artistic depth required of a consummate musician.  Lang Lang is now considered one of the most exciting and engaging classical pianists in the world today. 

Whenever I feel that sense of urgency upon seeing excellence exhibited by another and that secret, terrible thought voices itself: "That could be me! ... Right?", I remember the below.  Give these a try when you're bitten by the competitive bug and see how you can grow!

Acknowledge the desire to be the best you can be.

It's natural to want to do well and to gain recognition for your talents and skills.  Understanding this and being okay with it is the first step on the path to learning!

Allow the performance, knowledge, and skills demonstrated by others light a fire under you.

Think about what you can work on - where does that other person shine?  What could you do to gain skill and/or expertise in that area?

Remember what you’re good at, and work on making these assets even stronger.

In doing so, people will see clearly where you shine!

For example, I have some significant shortcomings as a Chinese dancer in terms of technique and flexibility. When I'm in class, I always work on every aspect to try and improve where I am weaker to gain overall prowess as a dancer.  When I perform, however, I learn choreography that challenges me and yet allows me to show my greatest strengths - high energy, knee turns, and acting.  Similarly, in high school tennis matches I would try to set up plays so that I could be close to the net for low, fast hits since I regularly found myself noticeably shorter than my opponents. 

Use others’ competitiveness to your advantage. 

I don’t mean to go out of your way to hurt others; I mean to let the most negative parts bounce off you and to absorb the rest and convert it into positive energy for you.  That sounds remarkably new agey, so let me illustrate with an example.  

I was an underdog when I played competitive tennis in high school.  My opponents, usually tall, leggy girls, would see a short kid with socks pulled all the way up and a big hat my mother would make me wear so I wouldn’t get sunburnt.  In other words, I didn’t look like a tennis player; I looked awkward.  But the match would start and there would be surprise; I wasn’t a bad player, after all.  I would often face opponents who would grow frustrated as I gained points and won games in a set; I could feel anger searing me from across the court.  But, the more hostile an opponent got, the calmer and more focused I became.  I simply channeled her anger into quiet control on my part, and I would usually win these games.  I’d developed a way to take someone else’s negative energy and use it to help me focus.  

If you really have to compete with someone or something, compete with yourself.  

Accomplished something?  Set a new goal!  That way, you’ll drive yourself to achieve on ever higher levels, rather than allow admiration of another turn into envy or jealousy on dangerous levels (a little bit can be helpful to push you, though).  

Celebrate your successes.

Compete with yourself, yes, but remember to celebrate your successes when you reach a milestone; take a moment to stop and acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.  Otherwise, if you’re like me, you’ll just look to the next goal and risk driving yourself to exhaustion because you can ultimately never become a master of anything!  

For example, the last time I was promoted, I thought, "yes!" and then the next day it was, "what’s it going to take to prove myself, and what do I need to do to make it to the next level?"  In the dance studio, I hadn’t realized the extent of the progress I’d made towards executing a series of difficult "propeller" turns until my coach mentioned at the end of my rehearsal that even though I was far from perfect, I’d come a long way already.  I realized I could only see what still wasn’t working and had focused only on what lay ahead.  It was a lovely moment, to stop and realize that yes, I was no longer falling all over the place and feeling nauseous!  

Be aware that there will always be someone who can do something better than you, in some way. (And that's okay!)

We can’t be super or even proficient at everything, and that’s an incredible blessing.  When you feel that pang in your chest that someone is better than you, remind yourself that this person may be better than you at something - not that he or she is intrinsically better than you.  Therein lies the difference, and only when you believe this will you have the power to take a step back and assess what it is that person does well, and how you can learn from them.  That way, every situation is an opportunity to grow.  

That’s the beauty and mystery of life; if we could become absolute masters, we’d have to move onto something new lest we stagnate and lose that sense of possibility and learning.  Although I must admit that in my most down-trodden moments I wonder if I tell myself this only to assuage my bruised sense of self-worth, the tactic works.  Separate the self from the situation, as painful and difficult as it is, and seek to understand what you can gain.  In the end, I hope you’ll find, as I have, that a competitive spirit can be a surprisingly collaborative one at its heart. 

Daily Rituals

Chances are, there are certain things you do every morning when you get up.  Whether it’s drinking a cup of coffee, feeding the cat, or hitting the gym, these little rituals are what jumpstart you.  To get your creative juices flowing and ready for the workday whether you’re looking for a new way to spice up the steps in the piece you’re rehearsing or a new way to approach a solution with a client, it can be wonderfully grounding to apply some structure in your life.  

This structure can take many forms, and one of them is that of the daily routine, or daily ritual (the credit for this inspiration goes to Twyla Tharp, again!).  For example, a colleague of mine gets up at 5:30 every morning and swims for 45 minutes, after which he sits down and writes in his online journal.  It’s his way of getting in his exercise and clearing his mind, all before he gets to the office.  

Establishing a daily ritual can be especially important when traveling.  We work in increasingly global organizations, and sometimes we’re asked to travel to collaborate directly with our colleagues and partners in other parts of the world.  Perhaps you’re lucky enough to be touring with your performing arts organization or as a solo artist.  Being away from home can be stressful enough as it is, much less having to shoulder the responsibilities of preparing presentations for a meeting, getting bloated limbs to cooperate in rehearsal, and being your most productive when you’re fatigued and jet-lagged.

Figuring out your daily routine and sticking to it can give you the right rhythm to your days on the road.  When the environment is different and life presents greater uncertainties, your daily routine, if adhered to, can give you the psychological comfort of having at least one thing you have control over.  

During the past year I traveled to Beijing very frequently for my office job and spent several weeks at a time there.  Even though I became familiar with the area, being away from family and the familiar comforts of home (read: dance class, my piano) inevitably took a toll.  After a bit of experimentation, I figured out what I needed to do.  I got up every morning at 6:00 to do a full ballet barre and some center work, then headed to the office.  After work, no matter how tired I was, I exercised for at least another 30 minutes to sweat and engage my body after mostly sitting all day.  Then came my favorite part: the hot shower, then sitting in bed with my journal listening to music.  Sleep.

After I established this daily ritual, my energy levels improved and I felt that I’d finally added my own personal stamp to my life abroad.  

Of course, this can apply equally well to life without travel.  Life throws us surprises of all kinds, and it can be overwhelming to deal with them - work, family, friends, health.  But, if you have your tried and true daily ritual to return to, it can help remind you that you do have control over your life.  

Even if you wake up and wonder how you’re going to drag yourself out of bed and face your inbox at the office or engage your aching muscles at the dance studio, you know you’ll feel better after you’ve gone through your daily ritual.  You’ll be that much more ready to face your day and do what you need to do.  Who knows, maybe you’ll even exceed your own expectations!

Do you have a daily ritual that works for you?  Share a Comment; I’d love to hear from you!  

The Courage to Be Creative - Your Way

It may not be the fate - or even the desire - of each of us to change the world, to be the next Steve Jobs or Pablo Picasso.  That said, this shouldn’t stop us from doing what we believe in.  Unfortunately, the messages we receive are often conflicting, and creativity is not always encouraged.  In some cases there may be consequences for doing something in a different way, or to finding another way to go about it entirely.  This isn’t always the case, but if the end result doesn’t meet expectations, it can be like a door has been slammed on your creative idea.  You wanted to be creative, but it failed.  You’d better stick to the basics, buddy.  

The pressure to stifle creativity can begin in school.  As Sir Ken Robinson states in his TED talk, “Intelligence is diverse. Intelligence is dynamic. Intelligence is distinct.”  The irony is, many schools emphasize math and science and those areas that will ostensibly help us become employed when we become adults.  There may be those with a gift in a certain area, but for the rest of us average children, we’d better stick to the grain or risk mediocrity - or worse, poverty - for the remainder of our lives.  


But what about those people who are brilliant in their own ways, but who don’t believe their talents have merit because they receive constant reinforcement that they are not?  Their gifts may diverge from math and science and other conventionally “applicable” disciplines.  These students only know that they are average, or less than average, in those courses that promising students are supposed to do well in.  


Take the example of my mother. Everything about her is musical: her abilities of retention, analysis, performance, and interpretation of classical music are extraordinary (my assessment is not, I assure you, solely based on the fact that she is my mother). She should be an artist in some capacity. What's tragic is that she sees herself as a failure. 

Throughout my mother's schooling she was repeatedly told that her talents were useless, and she still believes it to this day.  She is plagued by the fact that she never mastered advanced math.  When I tell her how valuable her true self is, she beams for a moment, only to shake her head and say, “Yes, but what use is it?”  This firm belief is why she precludes herself from any possibility of starting an artistic life, even in her retirement.



It’s almost as if the message is: If you’re not innovative in a shortlist of pre-approved fields, you might as well give up. After all, how many George Balanchines and Paul McCartneys are out there?  

As Sir Ken Robinson put it succinctly and rather devastatingly, “We are educating people out of their creativity.”


How can we find a balance?  How can we do our due diligence, yet still find the breathing space to find our true talents?  If we don’t happen to have a supportive community be it family or school or workplace, we must find the courage to strike out in our own ways.  


First, acknowledge your talents and abilities.  Make a list and keep it handy, if it’ll help remind you of who you are and that you are valuable for your unique qualities.  In my mother’s case she can’t even bring herself to do this first step, so I’m writing a list for her to see what results.  I’m hoping my admiration for her will help her see just how valuable her talents are.


Second, find opportunities, no matter how small, to put your ideas into play.  Attach a concrete reason to work on your idea.  As I read once, “If you like something, find a way to call it work.”  Give yourself a goal.  Before I started this blog I knew I loved to write, but had never done anything about it.  I realized I’d never given myself a reason.  My blog was the vehicle through which I set my goals.  Every week I had to brainstorm ideas to write about. Even if I didn’t come up with anything I ultimately used, at least I’d done something.  Psychologically this reinforced the legitimacy of my project, and equally important, it became a habit.


Third, find a way to get some kind of external validation for what you’re doing.  It’s really difficult working in a vacuum after the initial groundwork is laid.  At some point, find someone to share your work in progress with (don’t wait for that perfect moment; it doesn’t exist!).  It could be a family member, friend, or a shot in the dark submission to someone in that field whom you admire.  If your idea is work-related, try to find a mentor or someone you trust to bounce your framework off of.  That person may point out aspects you’d never considered, allowing you to strengthen your work before you bring it to a bigger (or more crucial) audience.


It’s a cycle. After presenting to a confidant, it’s usually necessary to go back to your inner world and reassess, restructure, redo.  Hopefully this process will build on your confidence, even as setbacks give you reason to improve and/or bolster your belief in your work.  The key is not to lose courage.  If your idea means enough to you, you’ll find ways to carry on and fight for it.  It takes guts to try something you might have been told is impractical, will lead to a dead end, will cause you to lose your current job, will render you a pauper ... the naysayer’s list is endless.  

But as Steve Jobs said, why live your life for someone else?  If you don’t believe in your own particular kind of creativity, the only person who will be left asking “What if ...?” in the end, is you.