Have you tapped into your own personal Google?
That’s a question that you may hear from Steve Sisgold, one of the warmest and most engaging people you’ll ever meet. Here’s a person who genuinely cares about you, and wants you to know how all the answers you need to make your life better than it’s ever been are already within you - your own personal Google!
I can’t take credit for that unique turn of phrase. I met Steve when he came to give a talk at Google last quarter (check it out on YouTube!).
The main premise of Steve’s wisdom is that if we take notice of and listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us, we can then begin to understand where our anxieties are coming from and thus overcome them to find our truer, happier selves. He is the author of the book “What’s Your Body Telling You?”, through which you can gain deeper insight on this unique way of assessing our personal wellness.
I find this a thrillingly simple way of “working with what you have”. We were born with generations of “fight or flight” instincts - our brain and bodies are still wired to help us run away from a charging saber-toothed tiger in our prehistoric days, or to freeze when we see a snake in our path. But what happens when these instincts kick in when we’re not immediately threatened by literal situations of life or death?
The result is that we’ve learned how to suppress these instincts to a certain extent. But in doing so, are we neglecting the most important signal to understanding ourselves at that moment, to remain forever blind to the keys that could very well unlock our own potential in these crucial moments?
Let’s put it more personally: Have you ever felt a surge within you when you feel strongly about something, only to dismiss it? Do you ever tell yourself, “That’s ridiculous - there’s no way this is possible,” even before you’ve fully articulated your deepest desires? This is one way dreams are nipped in the bud.
The key is to be open to possibility, and to make yourself vulnerable. All it takes to begin this journey to self-knowledge is simply to notice what your body’s doing at any given moment. Steve calls this your Body Quotient, or BQ.
How does this work? Take a moment and just breathe. Focus on the quality of your breathing. What do you notice? Steve invited us to try this little exercise, and we all discovered something new. I inhaled deeply quite easily, but found I could not exhale fully. It struck me that in general I listen to others well and can absorb a lot of stress, but it can be difficult for me to relax and shake loose. My breathing could very well reflect this. It was a wonderful moment of insight, shared by my fellow participants in their own way.
Our bodies our also like a database of all the experiences we’ve ever had. If you don’t know why your mind is willing but the rest of you is not, ask your body: What are beliefs that I carry in my body that prevent me from doing what I want? This is what Steve meant by tapping into your own personal Google.
What do we mean by ‘beliefs we carry in our bodies’? Steve told a story about a man who cringed whenever colleagues patted him on the back; they thought he was just weird, but it turned out that when this man was growing up his older brother would slap him on the back quite unpleasantly. The man was mentally receptive to his colleagues’ good will, but his body remembered the negative experience associated with the gesture and instinctively he would shrink away. Once he realized what was causing his behavior, he was able to communicate it. To his relief, nobody thought this was strange at all, and his colleagues began to express their approval in a non-physical way. This is the mind-body connection at work.
Focusing on your body is a startlingly simple way to understand yourself and to navigate life’s challenges starting with you: it’s about listening to your body, and what it’s telling you - right now!
So listen, and articulate what you’re feeling. You may very well learn why you experience certain anxieties that prevent you from doing what you want, and thus unlock the keys to overcoming them.
Want to learn more about the mind-body connection? Check out Steve SIsgold’s site and his book! If you have read Steve's book, watched his videos, or have attended one of his events, please share anything you’ve noticed or learned as a result of applying Steve’s teachings - I look forward to hearing from you!
If you’re like me, you’re no stranger to the feeling of being scared of something, whether it was of the dark when you were a kid, of whether eating a durian really tastes like it smells, or of taking on a new challenge at work. The fear can grow the more we shrink away from whatever we’re afraid of, until even the thought of it can be mentally and physically debilitating. Fortunately, we can overcome this, or at least make whatever we dread less daunting! In a nutshell, embrace your fear: knowledge leads to familiarity, which tends to lead to less fear since the greater part of the unknown is taken out of the equation.
Here are two main steps that I've found work well to chip away that fear and help you become more informed and confident.
Acknowledge Your Fear
It’s okay to be afraid of something. Don’t worry if you think you’re the only one afraid - other people probably share the same or similar fears, but just haven’t let on! This is the first step to understanding what it is you’re afraid of and to enable you to take action.
As an example, when I had the opportunity to really make a difference in my organization, I was gripped by the thought: “What if I don’t deliver to expectations? I finally have this chance! What if I screw up? What if something happens and we don’t launch?” The list grew longer, and I had bouts of what felt like paralysis: my fear was preventing me from doing what I needed to do to get onto the road to success.
The last thing I needed was a self-fulfilling prophecy driven by fear! At a certain point, I knew this wasn’t going to work; it was exhausting me. I took some deep breaths and tried to clear my mind of the clutter (listening to calming music beforehand was helpful). I told myself, “I’m petrified that I’ll fail in this project. That’s okay. Uncertainty is naturally scary. So why beat yourself up about it? You won’t know how things will turn out until you really try.”
It sounds silly, but telling yourself that you know your fear is there and that it’s okay can have a powerful effect. After I came to this conclusion, the fear no longer consumed me, but sort of rode alongside me like a sidecar to a motorcycle - it was there, but smaller, and at each milestone I was reminded me of how far I had come.
Get to Know What You’ve Been Fearing
Baby steps are absolutely fine, and may even be the best option so as not to overwhelm yourself. This step is what demystifies whatever has been looming ominously in your life, and will thereafter be cut down to its real size. If what you fear is a skill that you’ve always avoided for whatever reason but want to have, for example, start by doing some preliminary research online, and maybe even work your way up to taking a course.
I’d always avoided anything having to do with finances like the plague - those cold numbers would stare back at me and my mind would go blank. I wanted nothing to do with them. And yet, I wanted to gain enough knowledge to at least be able to manage my personal finances intelligently, as well as to understand budget forecasts and participate in relevant discussions on the job. I felt a sense of helpless urgency.
So, I started with a small step. I searched online for the basics on personal finance to get to know a few terms and some best practices. I took notes. However, I soon found myself getting overwhelmed by all that financial jargon, and forced myself to stop before I burned out and put up a thicker wall between me and the object of my fear.
I began to find ways to research that worked for me; I pinpointed a few sites that presented material in a way I could understand fairly well and allocated a short period of time each week to learn something new or review a concept I’d encountered the last time. I started with just one session a week, for 15 minutes. If I decided to research longer, that was fine, as long as I stopped before I got frustrated.
You can do the same: experiment, and find out what works for you. Then, set a little regimen for yourself. The key is to set your goals achieveably low - this is not the time to set those aggressive stretch goals! You want to make progress, not to hit the wall.
Eventually, I worked up my courage to enroll in a class on navigating finances in a corporate setting. This presented a whole new level of trepidation for me - personal finance was one thing, but corporate finance? I was afraid the material would go over my head, but I’d committed to giving it a try.
The result was amazing - with a great instructor and useful activities, I was soon wielding equations and crunching numbers to analyze case studies. With my initial fears, I never would have thought this possible.
What changed? The numbers and concepts I’d been so scared of were brought to my level of eyesight for close examination, demystified, and voila, I could work with them. Now, let me say that I’m nowhere close to being a finance whiz, but the key is that I’m not longer half as afraid of the concept and of the numbers as I was before.
Take action!
The above steps are simple in nature, and yet not necessarily easy. But, I've found them very effective for all kinds of apprehensiveness: learning a new dance form that puts me way out of my comfort zone (hip hop!), the thought of the disastrous results if I attempted play a piano piece I used to know well but could hardly muster after years of not practicing (so much easier to just not try!), to name two.
Just make sure you’re not sitting on your hands, avoiding your fear and letting it grow - take action! Acknowledge that your fear is there, then start taking the mystery out of it. It can be as small as searching online for information, or to break down the activity into bite-sized portions so it's not as daunting.
Fear is a natural, inevitable part of our lives. It’s in our hands - we can keep pushing away what we fear and let it grow into a monster, or we can take control of our lives to gain valuable knowledge and emerge with that much more confidence in ourselves.
Are there any strategies, tactics, mantras, etc. that have worked for you deal with fear? I'd love to hear from you!
